25th begins on the 25th of July

When I began to write this post in the early hours of this morning, after I was woken up with calls. The BBM and Facebook wishes already started pouring in from friends and family here in Naija, UK and Australia. After taking two caprisonnes and Nasco shortcake biscuit.... p yes you read that right..In other news, I have broken up with shortbread and started a new affair with nasco shortcake!!!

I decided to  write a big THANK YOU note to all of you that have been there for me and touched my life. And most importantly, thank you for being part of my life story.

I truly believe in this concept that there are very specific reasons why someone shows up into my life. I’ve always been able to learn or take away something from them, sometimes good, sadly sometimes bad. So the culmination of who I am today at 25, is an amalgamation of everyone that I’ve crossed paths with, some longer, some shorter, some deeper, some more shallow. I’m not lucky, I’m blessed!!

 I’ve been very blessed to have a wonderful Father that is more like my best friend than anything else. I love him dearly and thank him for teaching me courage and kindness…. I’m blessed to have a strict and sweet mum who raised me well, taught me humility, hard work etc .

I’m blessed to have fantastic siblings: super smart elder brother and sister, lil sisters who’re both super talented, artistic and poets to be… they all add so many colours to my life

I’m lucky to have beautiful friends, fantastic people

I’m lucky to have wonderful friends few dated back to primary and high school  I’m so glad to have met new friends that even when we don’t keep in touch, we know we have each other’s back… Friends that you just love without any efforts, people I’ve met and a handful that I’ve grown close to.

Thanks for putting up with me and my idiosyncrasies, wahala etc Thank you to those of you who’ve inspired me to be a better person, you know who you are.

I sometimes wonder what people would say about me when I die. Would I have affected or inspired people in meaningful ways? Will people miss me? Will people feel like I’ve made a difference either in their lives or in the environment, the community, the world? Would I leave a respectable legacy, no matter how small? Even though this sounds morbid, it reminds me that what I want to accomplish, build and leave in this world before I take a bow. I want to affect people in significantly positive ways.

So I’m 25!!! What next?

When are you getting married, when are you doing this and that? When are u visiting the moon,  buying your car, house, this and that?

Yes, 25. I’m actually pretty excited for what’s ahead. I’ve been through a lot, also accomplished a little and met a lot of incredible people along the way. There’s so much left to explore and I never want to stop learning, creating and inspiring.

I sometimes allow myself to be scared and intimidated by my new age, to feel like it’s a heavy weight, because when I was 16, I wrote down this to do list-year by year. Don’t ask what I have accomplished..

I find that some people always make it seem like age defines you and what you have to say or where you stand in the world.

I am truly thankful for life, but I’m tired of letting age dictate to me what should be eg..

 Own a car at 21

Get married at 22

Have all your babies by 25

Own a house and a dog at 35

As I turn 25, I am not going to let society determine my next line of action in life.

I will do what I want to, I would learn from anyone at any point regardless of age which is really just a number!

I would not race with the joneses

I’ll just celebrate life, work on finding that purpose and take it one day at a time

I don’t have a birthday wish list this year

I am just happy and thankful to God, family and friends

My Story- Amazing Grace

God’s amazing grace…how sweet that sounds

That he saved a wretch like me!

I was 10 and in the hospital again…. I usually spent two weeks out, a week in the hospital and one week struggling not to fall ill. This was my life as a child. That night the nurses just did their routine check informing the night nurses about my case etc… My mum was sleeping on the spare bed. I closed my eyes while they talked and wasn't even paying attention till I realized she was telling the nurse how bad my case was; Her Crisis is very horrible oh, her parents are just spending the money…(they were actually spending it because a week at that hospital was like a week in a luxury hotel with feeding costs attached…the bills were high but my Dad never had any problems paying (again God’s grace) ) the other nurse replied ‘and they don’t live past 21 oh (referring to me). Her colleague replied: 21 ke!  If she survives sha her own crisis dey horrible oh’ in pidgin english…

I opened my eyes as they strolled away, crying and struggling to stay quiet so I don’t wake my mum who was knackered and needed that sleep. I wanted to yank the needles off and just die….yes I was that close to suicide… I kept asking God why? I’m fed up; either take my life away or take away this condition…. I’m tired of living like this…. I told my late aunt about that episode…she said I would shine, she said they were wrong: I shall not die but live to glorify God…..

Somehow, I always had that thought in my mind… I approached my 18yr birthday with caution…wondering if I would drop dead

I remember that birthday I spent in the hospital..Struggling to smile as friends came to visit…

I remember today all the several uncountable hurdles I have crossed……

When my dad didn’t have as much money as he used to have back in the day…my illness reduced, I didn't have to go to the hospital all the time.. All things were just working together for my good….

Today I turned 25, the nurses were wrong….

It turns out, I’ve only had one semi crises this year…with each year, I’m stronger…standing tall and proud..

I used to be so ashamed to be identified with anything called sickle cell…it was a stigma…but now I can say to anyone that despite having this conditionvin g  this illnes this illnessof spite havin g  this illness, I'le cell...her for my good..., I’m living my life happy and free.

Until you learnt to see the cup as half full and not empty..You can’t open your eyes to the blessings around you. I am so blessed, so favored and I can only boast in God.

For every crooked path made straight

For every tears that you dried

For every challenge you made me overcome

For ever trial I may have to bear

For every glow and smile you put on my face

For every single blessing I have received

Dear God, I say thank you…again and again

Thank you for saving me….,he said U are a starbout that episode...e away this disease...anguage...ts attached... Crisis is very horrible oh, her parents

So I broke down again

I have the sickle cell genes. It is engraved on my mind. I remember every second but sometimes, infact most of the time I see it as nothing. I hardly consider it a limitation, I also cannot stand pity and so I never indulge in self pity. I am down only when the crisis comes and I am in pains. I can't stand being helpless; I can't stand being in pain. I love being in control and so when things happen and I can’t control it, I sometimes break down like I did tonight.

I travelled to the UK recently and spent quite some time walking. With each step, I felt pains in my leg. I have a high threshold and as such I endured the pain well. The day after I returned back home to Nigeria, my mum sent me to see the doctor which I did. I and the doctor spent more time gisting than talking about my leg. However, the doctor said I was fine, prescribed some strong antibiotics and off I went back home with more drugs to swallow. Ask any sickle cell patient, we are most times always high on drugs. 

Two days later, my mum insists I apply a powder which I obediently applied and then split! the leg opens up showing white tissue.... I hate to look at it and its my leg (sobs again) She dressed it for me and we conclude that I would have to go to the hospital again on Friday evening or Saturday morning as I would be working during the week.

Its Wednesday evening and I come back tired and with a slight ache in the legs which i dismiss till I peel off the dressing and my ankle looks like a gaping hole. My mum in typical Yoruba fashion reties her wrapper and claps her hand together praying to God for healing for her daughter's leg and then runs off to call my father. He places a call to my brother a medical doctor and explains what the situation is. All I hear is Leg ulcer, general hospital, see a specialist and all this words begin to whirl around in my head and the tears come after as the floodgates open and I begin to whimper and cry.

I am tired! I am tired!! I am tired!!! I am now curled up in my younger sister’s arm crying softly. Once I start, I find it hard to stop. I want to start asking questions... God for how long? Why am I the one with sickle cell? Am I going to overcome this? Would my leg be amputated?  (God forbid) what would happen this time around?  In the midst of my sobbing and brooding, I hear my father's voice.

Why do you take things for granted? Why did you not complain in the UK about your leg? Why this and that? I stand up and race to my bedroom furious. It’s his fault, he is educated, and why on earth did he not find out his genotype before settling down with my mother. Why did he not put a stop to two kids? No he went ahead and now my younger sister and I are suffering the consequences while he lives a crises free life. We live with Paludrine and folic acid as our best friend not to talk of Tramadol, Diclofenac and a host of other drugs that are now part of everyday life... Yes that's what we endure.

My kid sister joins me in the room and I start the "Is it not their fault conversation" with her while I google leg ulcer on my laptop. A very current toaster who calls every night for about an hour from the UK keeps calling but I cannot pick my call as my nose is running and I am not in the mood to talk. My sister answers the call and shortly after my current (I don’t know what to call him) calls. I think Boyfriend would be the word even though our relationship is really complicated (story for another day) I pick the call this time around and already planned to say a brisk goodnight and get on with my leg ulcer research.

However, he senses I am crying and I start to whine. Why I whine when talking to him is beyond me. Maybe he just has this calm collected behaviour that compulsively brings out the drama queen in me. He refuses to agree with my conversation on whose fault it is that I have SCD. Instead, he calmly tells me to look at the solution and not point fingers when faced with a problem. I whine, he calms me down and then asks me to switch off my laptop. I don't know how it worked but yes I switched off my laptop and laid back down in bed. He said lots of things but I remember "did you create yourself? Can you heal yourself, why not tell your maker, rest your mind and see the doctor tomorrow. It wasn't just about what he said; it was the way he said it.

I obeyed him and soon drifted off to sleep. I wish parents could learn to be more tolerant and more understanding. It’s bad enough you are the reason I have this disease so why can’t you learn to handle the situation. My parents would never have handled it like he did.  I think there should be a school for learning how to be a parent! After all there is finishing school, where you can learn to be a lady, so yeah there should be a school for learning to be a parent! Yes the both of them have been fantastic in their own ways but then again they are so flawed and it is so upsetting as well.

It’s a brand new day. I would be going to the hospital first before venturing to my office. I am still nervous, still afraid of the unknown but I remember I did not create myself and my maker's thoughts towards me are good and not evil to bring me to an expected end. I hope the end would indeed be my expected end (instant cure to this problem) I will be fine. Chin up I am a survivor and a great one at that!!

Leg Ulcer Chronicles

Hello!!!!


Its bin ages!!

So I found some old stuff i wrote down when I experienced Leg ulcer (Sickle cell complication) last year February. I would be posting here together with pictures of the ulcer....

Enjoy

THE FINAL BOW…

Last night, my friend rang me up from the UK and he said ‘Bolade remember that chick that I used to call ‘Beyonce wannabe’, I said Goldie….he said yeah please check twitter, they say she’s dead but then it may be a rumor . I replied that its most likely a rumor! 

 Nigerians and their skills at spreading rumors  I dismissed the news immediately… then he asked me to come on Skype and gist him how my vals day went..

Later on, I checked twitter and LIB, news was flying around that Goldie is dead. I prayed that it will be a rumor and we would wake up to the news that the rumor is false

I woke up to news that it was not a rumor…

 Goldie was one unique Nigerian artiste… Goldie was a daring and brave musician who always stood out. Even during the BBA show, she was herself, the ugly comments did not make her switch careers…She brought a different flavour and blend to the Nigerian music totally away from the usual. She really was creative; her risks with fashion outfits: amazing.  But I always loved her hair styles

I’m just speechless, with all the news flying around that she was estranged from her family and also she was married despite Prezzo’s saga..

Whatever it was, let the dead rest in peace..We the living can only learn…  Rest in Peace Goldie, I especially liked the track she did with Eldee ‘You know it’

In my opinion that was her best track and was really creative and daring..

We indeed need to live each day as if it were our last. Are you still holding grudges against that person? Keeping malice? Not declaring your love for someone? Not pursuing your dreams? Are you still holding back on giving your life to God? Don’t waste another second.. You never know when your journey would end….

….live your life now!

THAT 14TH THINGY

Feb 14^th brings and means different things to different people…. Expression of love between couples, intending couples, end of relationships for some, crack in marriages for others etc

In all of these, let’s not forget that it begins with you. Do you love yourself? Is your relationship right with God? Important points that we tend to overlook…

Sometimes we try to express love to others when we haven’t loved ourselves well enough… e.g.: you know smoking is shortening the life-span of your lungs yet you just can’t stop… you are in an unhealthy relationship yet you refuse to take a walk….

That’s not loving yourself…How do you plan to love another wholeheartedly and completely when you haven’t loved yourself?

Let’s all never forget: YOU ARE YOUR FIRST LOVE AFTER GOD!

Valentine day is celebrated by some while some see it just like any other day…different folks, different strokes. To some it’s another annoying reminder that they do not have a partner or are not in a relationship, or are not in the relationship they want to be in.

Valentine’s day was a good day for me.Not just because of the gifts from potential to-be‘s (If God wills) (I hope y’all don’t read this) but also because of the love from family and friends and the funny DP’s and comments..

The essence of life is to love and be loved….God is love…

That said, my two cents on the matter:

For the couples: Expression of true love should never ever be a once in a year affair, exchanging of gifts should never just be birthdays and vals…

For the singles: I don’t believe Valentine is just for those in relationships, u feel like celebrating by all means enjoy.. U want to go out with friends don’t hesitate..GO, u want to be by yourself: stay indoors, whatever suits you…just stay happy

And for the guy who waited till Valentine’s Day to ask u out!! Jeez, whatever happened to other days, no date for you and u sure deserve a big knock on the head!!

Back then in the university, it was all about who got the biggest gift, the most expensive gift etc and I remember how girls used to be so shy and self-conscious…. To think I would hide my gifts to avoid analysis by the ‘frenemies’ (For lack of a better word) while I had a friend who would say babe you got gifts, stop hiding them joor, let’s see at least u got gifts.

I guess some people still see it that way: remember it is more blessed to give than to receive..

I realize, it’s not about the size or how expensive or valuable to you a gift is, it is absolutely the thought behind it… so think again before accepting the ticket to Abu dhabi or ‘Darey’s Love like a movie’ and you chill at his place thereafter from the guy who hasn’t married you and is giving you that as valentine gift, cos the thought behind that is to …..   (Fill in the Gap)

Think again before receiving the gift from the married man who just likes you (he claims)

Think again before accepting that expensive gift from the person you are not to be unequally yoked with and who is talking, marriage… Why lead him on? Avoid an acid bathe in the future

Back to Valentine gift and as it is a season for couples, don’t rush into that relationship because you just love him, he swept you off your feet and you are in cloud nine…. I have now come to realize that a soul mate is your personal mirror, the person who shows you everything that is holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life.

A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls, see your good, bad and downright ugly and love you all the same…

That said: Valentine's Day, Mother's day, Father's day, Wedding day, Birthday, Friday.....Somehow we hardly ever think of Judgment day? Today is earmarked for expression of love between couples and those in relationship. But let’s not forget that love should be a standard character that must be expressed throughout the year, not only to your loved ones but even to neighbours and strangers.

God is love and we should walk in his footsteps:

"Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you."

~ Luke 6:27, ESV

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them~ Romans 12:14, ESV

."  (It’s especially hard when you lean to your own understanding, but by grace, this becomes effortless)

So help us God... Amen!

Happy Belated Valentine!!

Yours truly….xx

Show Love!

Its amazing how we tend to ignore the little things, how people ignore or bypass others when they feel its of no importance. Sometimes its an intentional act, at other times its unintentional but all the same it is wrong!

These things happen everyday and everywhere: In the bank, when the cashier attends to the big well dressed man before giving a second glance to the ordinary looking man who even got there first. Ignoring the maid guard who sits at the post as you walk into a place. Altogether avoiding the woman sweeping the streets so she doesn't stain your outfit in any way.  As Christians  we should be Christ like. 

Sometimes we get so caught up with life's activities, we don't even bother about these little things. Let's all learn to number our days and be mindful of our actions...

Show an act of kindness today, extend kind gestures wherever you are. Smile at that elderly man manning the gate, be courteous to the waiter taking down your orders. Appreciate the cleaner in the streets. A little smile, a word of greeting, a show of appreciation would go a long way

Set out to be happy, the Joy of the Lord is our strength. Life is a race, walking with God is the ultimate race. Infect someone with that joy, touch lives positively. God is Love, show some love everyday.

I LEARNT TO DANCE IN THE RAIN, I THANK GOD

The saying: Life is a roller coaster ride and it has its ups and down, it’s up to you to scream or enjoy the ride!

This quote above mirrored year 2012 for me! It sure was one real rollercoaster ride with many downs…… At first I screamed and screamed till I lost my voice, when I thought all hope was lost: he taught me to enjoy the ride and now I can dance in the rain.

Am I happy? Am I joyful? Well I certainly I’m grateful! I joyfully danced till my throbbing feet stopped aching last night because God has been so good to my family and I, despite all odds, He again proved over and over that he is God.

2012 for me can be said to have been ‘a turbulent year’

At my moment of deep despair and confusion: February, I walked on water through it all... I saw Jesus in the midst of the struggles; I saw His grace and His love over me in February when my body waged war against leg ulcer. At first, I jumped around in confusion, listening to different opinions from different doctors, consultants, surgeons. Wasted money going to different hospitals…

My beautiful father; God bless you Daddy always…

You reminded me patiently that healing comes from God and to receive that healing, you must be in the right frame of mind..

You kept asking me to believe God’s report…you said his report says I am healed, His report says I am strong: I struggled to believe that report till you again reminded me that it’s been God all along, If I can trust him for other things why is my faith failing now?

And then I calmly took it to God in honest sincere prayer with faith and I was free and in a very short time too (When the Lord turned again the captivity of Zion, we were like them that dream)

Was I ecstatic? Dear God that was awesome!

Subsequently, events happened that almost changed my life and my destiny. I was distraught, heartbroken and helpless but again God was merciful, He showed himself once more.

 I want to share what my elder sister shared with me: She said God has so many names and each name serves a peculiar purpose. God is the Prince of peace: meaning when you have God you also have peace that transcends all understanding…the storm may rage but still peace from God calms every storm

She said God is referred to as the rock of ages, meaning all other grounds are shallow grounds but when you stand on the rock of ages: you cannot fall and neither will you waiver e.tc

I also refer to him as Keeper of my life I look back and through it all, Lord you kept my life and all I see is beauty, grace, love and more grace.

I felt worthless and yes I am undeserving of God mercy but God is merciful,

With a leap of faith, I went as I am, I rededicated myself and there’s been no looking back.

Yes I am far from perfect neither I’m I seeking perfection but God grace…Oh God’s grace

I am the product of God’s grace

As a family, we overcame

And oh yeah:

Few friends got married. Happy Married Life!!!!

My friend blossomed into a proper mummy juggling with 9-5job and having sweet Subomi all to herself. Crazy …Lol

I made new friends. Awesome: New friends that help my spiritual life, new friends that lift me up when I am down, new friends that we help each other become better…  Segun, David, Ope

And my old friends: We get better just like old wine: Temitope- Friend closer than a brother, IJ, Mariam, Ty, Niyi….. I thank God for blessing me with such awesome friends..

My birthday wish list got ticked off well almost, and my Xmas list is getting ticked off too….                                      

I remember that conversation I had with my friend: Complaining and sad about the accident I was involved in and your response: Nom your response sure did the magic: Can I ever begin to compare God’s faithfulness with mine?

“Think of all the good things you have enjoyed that was undeserved and from God” your exact words….   It would be a huge sin to complain. With a heart filled with gratitude I can only say Thank You!! I can’t complain about the year, the storms were blessings as I learnt to cast down all and lay at his feet.

I am currently going through a real life class/tutorial on faith and yes without faith you just can’t please God

All in all, I have seen favour, the Lords mercy and compassion over my family and I, He has preserved us. All I can say is THANK YOU!

I am a living testimony of God’s grace, goodness and mercy!

Going forward:

v I know that everything will be alright… I am learning to stop worrying and allow God take the front seat…

v I understand we all have our different issues, and sometimes, we get overwhelmed but let go and let God…

v You may be sick with some dreadful ailment, battling health issues (Yes I may be particular about this because I have walked this road well) Don’t give up, I believe in miracles, I believe in the power of the holy ghost, I believe in God, tell him your problems: 

v For those having relationship issues, once your relationship with God is right, all other relationships would subsequently work out and you would find answers to what you seek

v Don’t allow any background, preconceived ideas, current situation, past failures, self-doubt hinder you from achieving your goals; Remember with God all things are possible!

v Live life! Speak Life! You are alive, if you are reading this you are still breathing, you are alive. Number your days, make each day count!

v Set daily goals, stop the procrastination.

v Do more of what you love- Life gets B.U.S.Y. and I get carried away with same old monotonous drill…. I am not married, I don’t have kids yet sometimes I feel so overwhelmed no doubt the Lagos stress is a major contributing factor.

v Try something new- Sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a rut, can’t remember when last I asked someone to teach me something new.. So this year, I want to learn a new language, learn a new skill (Maybe how to power off and my generator so when there is no male at home, I’m not stranded…lol)

Really I sure need to break up with monotonous routines in 2013

v Appreciate and always remember my blessings: - "There's no room for discouragement in a grateful heart." Today I created a new Journal (inspired by one of my career mentors Miriam): actually a notebook I pinched from a friend; now transformed into my Journal of possibilities: There I’m going to track down my dreams, my important goals, achievements etc It would also be a gratitude journal and I plan to write down things that I am grateful for.

I have come to the realizations that being aware of what you have, instead of what you don't, will change your life drastically. It's easy to rant on how bad Nigeria is, corruption, our leaders, traffic, electricity, so many numerous issues instead be the change you want to see. Make a difference no matter how little (You could start by not throwing litter out of your car as you are driving through a busy street)

Rather than rant, focus on what you do have and see your whole world changes, and how happier you would be.

v Give – Help people, strangers not just your friends, help people who can never pay you back. Love your neighbour, (No I haven’t learnt to love my neighbour as myself, but with God’s grace: I am getting there) Give more. Love more.

v Create new relationships- This is where I suck at!! I could be really bad with creating new relationships and meeting new people although once the bond is formed, I’I think I’m quite good at managing, keeping relationships.. I want to make a better attempt at creating new relationships, meeting new people, social networking is good and beneficial and important to progress in life, so yeah I would give this a try too.

BTW, these are not new year resolutions; these are just my thoughts to a better 2013 #

It’s a beautiful new year, Thank God always and in every situation and keep shining!

Cheers to the good life in 2013!!!